The first date can either make or break a future relationship.
You went on a superb first date with a man you met online and felt like the bothof you had a great connection. You both had similar goals and wanted the same kind of relationship.
He was smart, ambitious, and fun! Plus, he got along well with his mother and the other women in his life. He seemed emotionally healthy and ready for a real relationship. Thus, you couldn’t wait to see him again!
After such a fun and amazing first date, you totally thought this new guy liked you. However, it’s now been a couple of weeks since you’ve seen him and you can’t understand why he never followed up.
If you’re wondering what went wrong on the first date that caused him not to like you, from a man’s perspective, this is probably what happened:
He was committed to doing his best to provide a woman he found attractive with a great date, no matter what. However, he also felt like he was being interviewed for the position of “possible husband.” So, once you started talking about your relationship goals, he probably felt that the conversation had taken on the tone of an interrogation.
A man may try to lighten the tone by asking his date how her day went, as it seems like a polite, non-intrusive social question. But, if you reply as if he is your therapist and begin unloading your troubles, he is likely to see it as big a red flag.
Many men have heard more stories about nightmare breakups, betrayals, and once-good relationships gone sour than they can count. On top of that, many men have listened to their dates come up with all sorts of depressing topics, such as:
- Problems with family or friends.
- Financial difficulties.
- Work-related challenges (some even ask for free professional advice).
- How their ADD, depression, or other mental disorders are impacting their lives.
- Discussions of illness or infirmities.
Some men behave in a polite and understanding manner in the face of these issues. However, the vast majority feel that there is nothing remotely romantic about these sort of discussions. When a man hears stories like these, all he can think is that he won’t be asking for a second date, no matter what else she has to offer.
Most women share intimate details of their life as a way to signal that they feel comfortable building a relationship. But, this behavior is a red flag to most men.
You need to slow down. Your job on a first date is simply to get to know each other a little and talk about these topics later — after three or four dates, when you are in the process of building a relationship.
When you’re with a man who is taking on the role of a kind and understanding confidante, pause and change the subject to something that is more appropriate for someone you just met and may never see again.
Start with something like this, “This seems like a bit too intimate a topic for a first date. I’d love to know more about your…” Then, go on to name a topic.
Also Consider sharing each other’s hopes for what each of you would like to do in the future, what you love to do for fun, or what inspired either of you to go wherever you spent the last vacation.
The Main key is to bring up something enjoyable that helps you learn about each other. Some successful first dates include bonding over shared excitement about a common interest.